Tubing with Alligator Gars

I was a water baby growing up. When it came to the pool, I was first in and last out. When it came to the Lake? I was first in and scared to death to be anything but the first out. Lake Waco is murky, green, eerie, large, and full of gigantic water monsters waiting to attack you, specifically the Alligator Gar. During my developing years, which also happens to be when you are the most ignorant, my cousin Dustin let me in on all pertinent information regarding the Alligator Gar:

• They want to eat me;
• They will eat me;
• They are all over the lake and not found in just one area;
• They love blood;
• They get curious after seeing a big splash in the water and will come and see what the ruckus is all about (in case there's blood); and
• They won’t hurt you if you have another person swimming with you (they’re very scared of 2 or more people).

Therein lies the rub - I was not always swimming with another person. Example? Tubing.

So I’m out, having the time of my life as my father drives the boat at (not really) break-neck speeds trying to flip my cousin and I off of the tube. Hannah and I were amazing at this. No one could get us off of that tube. We had a system down. We should have patented it (the HanBec Technique). It was really, really, really hard to get us off. There was, of course, a flaw in the technique. It took both people doing it for it to work! Hannah seemed to sabotage me a bit (I have no proof of this, so I am wildly speculating in order to save my ego). At some point during our marathon tubing Hannah decided she no longer wanted to share. So, when she was supposed to throw her weight to one side so we could both stay on and claim another tube-turning victory, she wouldn’t budge. Mean… and she always timed it perfectly. Off I went while she stayed nicely on the tube. I promise you, it was because she would purposely ignore the basics of our perfected technique. It of COURSE couldn’t have been me!?!?!?! By the way… when you fly off a tube, you are stranded and at the mercy of the driver to get you, and if you’ve been acting like a brat – the boat driver may not have a lot of mercy on you.

Well, off I’d go skipping over the water like a throwing stone, all while watching Hannah get her solo ride on the tube.

Stupid lack of grip
Stupid Hannah for kicking me off the tube
Stupid water in my nose, eyes & sinus cavity [blow water out of all orifices because it hurts]
Stupid fish
Stupid bloody nose
Blood - oh no oh no oh no!  Didn’t Dustin say something about Gar’s in the water? and something about them loving blood?  Hasn’t he said something about them multiple times!?!

I started to look around dumbly for the boat and the tube-traitor and after failing to locate them, I panic.  They are not here. They are over THERE! Dad’s got no mercy for me and is now trying to fly Hannah off of the tube! I am STUCK in the middle of this scary lake without the required gar-deterring swimming buddy! GULP, reality hit me harder than the water I just flew into… my life is in severe jeopardy. The death defying tube ride I just went on was easy-peasy (bloody nose be damned) in comparison to the agonizing wait I have ahead of me!

-This is about the time I start replaying every harrowing conversation I’ve had with Dustin on the subject and all roads pointed to certain death. I trusted Dustin; I didn’t need to do the research. If I had, I would have found out that they stay close to the shore and there hasn’t been an attack on Lake Waco ever-

What’s taking so long?!?!?! Where’s the boat? The boat’s over THERE? Where are the Gars? They’re UNDERNEATH ME! The boats over THERE, I’m HERE, and the Gars are BELOW! I panic. I’m not talking panic as in “hmm this is a little creepy, I realllly wish that they would hurry up because I want a coke and I’m panicked that Perry might be drinking the last one.” No, I’m talking about hysterics. I start to kick frenetically. I start to cry. I start screaming and waving for the boat to hurry up to come and rescue me. I start to believe they are terrorizing me, because they are NOT coming as fast as I would like. Finally, Dad and the crew are there and laughing as I swim urgently towards to stern of the boat like my life depends on it (because it does). I am so pissed off and panic-stricken because my father, nay, my Daddy! had left me for dead! Didn’t he know about the gars? Why would he leave me to fend for myself? I’m in a lifejacket for Pete’s sake!  I can’t do anything but FLOAT!

I, of course, continue to have a hissy fit and throw my brother overboard as an attempt to satiate my anger (I was pretty sure that throwing daddy overboard would not have gone over very well). THEN, Perry would use the situation as the perfect opportunity to swim towards the stern of the boat to get on the tube! I know I was crying and all, but, ummmmm, Perry? I wasn’t done by the way.

It was a vicious circle. Guess who got scared all over again when she flew off yet again?!?!?! That’s right, me. Dad never realized that he could have saved himself from the angry little human by getting me INSTANLY out of the water.

Gars still scare me to this day. I hate them. But I love tubing.

Victory is mine and the tube's... and also the gar's.  Victory was never Hannah's.